Monthly Archives: February 2013

He said

Poetry of the air

I told him
I’m always the weak link.
I don’t know how to fix it.
He responded with comfort,
said I was the stronger of the two of us.
I give him confidence
and help him improve.
Then he said,
I’m thankful for that.

I’M NOT STRONGER.
I feel like
I always support people I really believe in.
I collab with them and
I’m always overshadowed.
Always.
No question.
I don’t know how to fucking fix it.
But I just see the future with you;
same thing all over again.
And I hate thinking that.

He didn’t respond for awhile;
it was so unlike him.

I began
to
get
nervous.

Twenty minutes later, my phone blew up
with text,
after text,
after text.

It was nothing along the lines of what I expected.

He said that I’m not the problem.
It’s the people I work with.

You’re a great person.
You let people walk on you.
You have a beautiful voice;
You sound great on everything you do.

But

you’re

too

nice.

You let people take advantage of you.

I’m not going to let you fall to the shade;
I don’t do that.
I’m not the producers you’ve worked with;
I’m not the artists you’ve worked with.
We’re going to grow
together.

Then he said what I need to do.
Develop more confidence
so you can

push through

the shadows
and be
the face of music.

I have faith in you, Marnie.
I need you to have faith in me;
faith in us.
Because we can do something
amazing.
I just know it!

It wasn’t what I was expecting, but it was exactly what I needed in that moment.

In a little less than three weeks
I will meet him.
And we will create something amazing.
The entire experience will be defined in one word:
Euphoric.
I just know it.

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Songwriting, Love, Pain and Sociopaths.

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Songwriting.  It’s never come easy for me; I don’t imagine it ever will.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop, though.  Sure, I may not write as much or as as quickly as I used to, but at least the songs I do write now have more meaning behind them.  That’s what matters to me – meaning.

As a follower of my music, you will notice that I write a lot about relationships.  Relationships inspire me.  Drama inspires me.  So unless I’m going through drama, I probably won’t be writing much music.  And hey, guess what.  I’m not going through drama, so I haven’t been writing very much. haha

Nowadays, when I just can’t take it anymore and sit down to write a new song, I have to force myself to remember the pain.  That’s an incredibly awesome notion for some people.  People who are heartbroken in any sense would love to get to a point in their lives where they have less pain and  have enough distance from that pain so that effort is required to recollect it.  That’s where I am.  But as a musician, it doesn’t leave me very inspired on a daily basis… not when my forte is writing about heartache and pain.

Someone once told me to write about something everyone could relate to.  I believe the person’s exact words were “the world, politics, everyday struggle”… and went on to say that some people are happy in a relationship, so to stay away from my usual content.  Say what?!  Love is a universal language!  Pain of losing someone you love… unless you’re a sociopath… is something everyone can relate to!

(Let me digress for a moment:  From what little I know, sociopaths still feel pain of loss, just not necessarily the pain of losing someone.  If/when they do feel the pain of losing someone, it’s very short-lived and then they move on without reliving the past.  Fascinating, really.  I’ve known a couple of sociopaths in my time.  You probably have, too – maybe you just weren’t aware of it. I still have a lot to learn about them, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to spend time getting to really know how a sociopath’s mind works.)

Oh right… songwriting.  I started writing in December 2005.  I remember lying in my parent’s spare room during Christmas vacation and listening to Missy Higgin’s debut album that I had recently purchased.  I’m pretty sure “The Special Two” is the song I was listening to when I finally said, “Man, I really need to start writing music.”  I then got out of bed, went to my parent’s computer, hooked up a cheap desktop mic and wrote my first half-verse.  Maybe I’ll post it here someday; not many people have heard it.  I think it ended up being a verse and a chorus – or, at least, what I thought to be a verse and chorus at the time.  haha

Ideally, I’d have enough patience to learn piano or guitar so that my music could sound more like Missy’s.  I don’t see that happening, but you never know what the future may bring.  That being said, I’ll leave you with the song that inspired me to start writing.

“But I will fight for you.  Be sure that I will fight until we’re the special two once again.”

My phone is not my world, but it brings the world to me.

Daily Prompt: Describe your relationship with your phone. Is it your lifeline, a buzzing nuisance, or something in between?

My phone isn’t really as significant to me as the picture might suggest.  I don’t have the latest apps and I’m not constantly on it like a lot of people, but I do feel lost without it.  While the phone isn’t my world, so to speak, it is one of my connections to the world – namely, my husband.  So if I don’t have my phone for awhile, I get a bit anxious even if I’m not expecting a call from him,

It’s more of a “what if…?” kind of anxiety.  What if he needed to contact me for some reason?  What if there was some sort of emergency?  What if I had planned a relatively elaborate dinner and he has to work late?  It hasn’t happened yet, but it COULD! haha

It’s crazy how technology has changed just over the past 10 years.  When my mom needs to get ahold of me, she e-mails me or uses facebook (and she’s even started to alert me on facebook when she’s sent an e-mail because she knows that I rarely check it anymore.  haha).

I think my main connection to the world is still my computer.  I’m on it a lot for recording purposes, and I don’t have my phone set up to notify me of new FB messages or e-mails (or maybe my phone’s just a POS and doesn’t notify me!).  It’s nice because I don’t constantly feel connected even when my phone is with me.  But all it takes is a second or two and the world is at my fingertips.